


seven nation arm-y

by justawordshaker (thegloryofspring), outofcases (hockeycaptains), sunshinexbomb



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Body Horror, Crack, Humor, M/M, Making Out, Other, Thriller
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 11:57:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6115726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegloryofspring/pseuds/justawordshaker, https://archiveofourown.org/users/hockeycaptains/pseuds/outofcases, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinexbomb/pseuds/sunshinexbomb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry wakes up in a weird situation. Luckily, his bandmates, past and present, are there to lend a helping hand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	seven nation arm-y

**Author's Note:**

  * For [darlingjustdont](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlingjustdont/gifts).



> We alternated lines to write this, and tried to out-ridiculous each other. Sasha, we love you. This one's for you.

From the moment he woke up, Harry knew it was going to be a weird day. He doesn’t normally wake up with an extra arm. He just wishes it wasn’t sticking out of his stomach. “All right,” he says to himself, trying not to panic, “there must be a way to get rid of this thing--maybe I’ll grab the steak knife or something.”

Niall pops up out from the under bed and shouts, “WHAT’S THE CRAIC!” 

“Well, it seems that I’ve got an extra arm this morning. Think I may need to cut it off,” says Harry sadly.

“Oh no,” says Niall, sympathetic, “that’s not the craic.”

Harry gets out of bed and almost steps on Niall’s face because his extra arm tries to smack him square in the face.

“You know who could help with this?” Niall asks, looking up at Harry while he tries to stop his extra arm. “Louis. He’ll know what to do.”

Harry purses his lips, thinking. “I mean,” he responds, slow, “I haven’t talked to Louis in a long time. Not sure he’d want to help me, especially with something like this.” His extra hand makes a thumbs-down.

“Has to be better than hacking off a limb, mate. Didn’t really want the day to start out so gruesome, y’know?”

Harry’s lips turn down in a comically deep frown. “I mean. I suppose. But is Louis really the right one to go to? What about Liam? Or even Zayn?”

“Did somebody say Liam?” asks Liam, crawling out from under the bed.

“Liam!” Niall grins brightly, like they weren’t just hiding under the same bed. “Didn’t even know you were under there! What’s the craic?”

Liam ignores Niall, looking instead at Harry, confused. “Mate, did you realize you’ve got an extra arm there?”

Harry’s extra hand flips Liam off. “Excuse me, Liam. Obviously I realized!” he exclaims, but softens immediately, since Liam is literally the greatest human being on planet Earth, and the most beautiful. I love Liam so much honestly like……… wow.

wow

“I was just asking! Not every day you see someone with an arm sticking out of their stomach.” Liam tilts his head and frowns. “Has it wrecked your tattoos? That would be a shame. How’d you get an extra arm anyway?”

“See this is why I said we should go to Louis,” Niall says when Harry sighs in exasperation. Liam’s frown deepens.

A thump comes from under the bed. “Oi,” says Louis, “I can hear you, thanks very much.” Suddenly, the bed heaves over with a giant lurch, and Louis stands where it was, looking disgruntled. 

“Louis!” Niall jumps to his feet. “What’s the craic?”

“Shit, Harry. That’s disgusting, mate,” Louis says, looking at Harry’s extra arm. “Could come in use, though, I suppose. Do you think you’re going to keep it? I probably would, I think.”

Before Harry gets the chance to answer, Niall says, “Louis, I’m so glad you’re here!” and steps forward to greet him. They make out furiously.

Harry’s extra arm slaps over his face. He’s not quite sure how he feels about having an arm that has a mind of its own, but at least they seem to be on the same page. Maybe if he’s turning into some kind of eldritch horror monster, they can at least coexist nicely.

“Guys,” says Harry, “please.” Niall and Louis stop making out only after Harry repeats himself, and Liam coughs pointedly. “Can we focus? I have this...thing on my body. What am I supposed to do?”

“Well, if you really want to get rid of it, I suppose we need to cut it off,” Louis says with a considering frown on his face. Niall’s got a hand draped across his shoulders, looking at him with hearts in his eyes.

“That’s a great idea, Lou,” Niall says sincerely.

“Where will we get a knife, though?” asks Liam, ever practical. Before he’s even finished speaking, a ripping sound cuts through the room, jagged and coming from the overturned mattress.

“Zayn! What’s the craic?”

“‘Vas Happenin’?” Zayn asks, mumbling sleepily. He looks at Harry, a slow smile unfurling on his face. “Sick arm, mate,” he says. Him and the extra arm fistbump. He then turns to Niall, grinning. They make out furiously.

“Why is Niall making out with everyone but me?” Harry and Liam say at the same time. They share a look and Harry smirks. They make out furiously.

The extra arm suddenly pushes Liam away and Harry blinks in surprise. Right. They have a different problem to deal with today. The making out can wait.

Or can it?

It can. For now. Harry _supposes._ But he’s not happy about it.

“Okay, so what do we do about this?” Harry asks with a sigh, poking at the extra arm. The arm slaps his hand away.

“Well,” says Liam, considering. “I could just-”

He steps forward, confident and sure, and _rips the extra arm off of Harry’s body._

Niall looks at them with wide eyes. He turns to Louis and shakes his head. “That’s not the craic,” he whispers.

“What the fuck?” Harry says, voice high. He rubs at his stomach, which is just as he left it last night. “Wow, that didn’t even hurt. How did you do that, Liam?”

Liam shrugs, grinning. The extra arm in his hand shoots Harry a thumbs up. “I don’t know, mate,” he says, “it just felt right, you know?”

“That was impressive,” Louis says. He then gets right up into Liam’s space, and it’s no time at all before they’re furiously making out.

Niall grins and climbs onto Harry’s back like a monkey. “Now _that’s_ the craic!”

“Can we make out now?” Harry asks with a pout, as Niall mouths at his neck.

“What do we do with this, though?” Liam asks, looking at the arm still in his hand. The arm’s hand gives a thumbs-down.

“I mean,” says Zayn, “I bet it would sell for, like, millions on ebay.”

“What, people would just _believe_ it was Harry Style’s arm?” Louis asks. “Not like it has any of his stupid tattoos No one would actually buy it.”

“There’s a lot that people will believe, Lou,” Harry says seriously. His eyes look distant. “You should know that better than anyone.”

It’s an awful thing to bring up, and he regrets it immediately, if only for the brief hurt look that flashes across Louis’ face. “Fine,” he snaps, backing up toward the door, “if that’s how you want it- just, fine. You can keep your stupid extra arm.”

Niall folds his arms across his chest and looks between them both with a frown. “That’s not the craic, boys. Say you’re sorry and make up.”

“Sorry,” Harry mumbles. Louis does the same. They make out furiously. 

“I said make _up_ ,” mutters Niall, “not make _out_ ,” but Harry isn’t really listening. It’s been so long since he and Louis even touched, and this is weird and a little wonderful.

He considers making out with Zayn and Niall, too, just to make sure that they don’t feel left out.

“We still have to decide what to do with the arm,” Liam says sensibly. The extra arm reaches up to pat his cheek. He’s not quite sure how to tell an arm to stop. It’s just an arm, after all, but it’s starting to get a bit weird.

“It seems to like you, Liam,” Harry says with a shrug. The arm strokes Liam’s face again. “Maybe you should just keep it.”

Liam looks at warily, throwing it off to the side when it starts to get a bit _too_ handsy. “Dunno, mate. I think I’m good. Maybe we should just put it on ebay. Could give the money to charity or something, right?”

“Nah,” says Louis, “let’s just light it on fire.”

“Dunno, Lou,” Zayn says, eyeing the arm up like he wants to get it away from Liam. “Seems to have a mind of its own. That’d be like, inhumane or something, wouldn’t it?”

“It’s proper creepy, though, bro,” Louis says.

“I agree with setting it on fire,” Niall says. “Louis is always right.”

The arm starts to crawl toward Liam slowly, and he backs up, eyes wide and scared. “Okay,” he says quickly, “okay, okay, burn it.”

“Creepy or not, don’t know if I wanna like, kill it. Seems a bit extreme. Can’t we just, like, lock it up?”

“It’s an _arm_ , Zayn. Not like we can put it in a cage.” Louis rolls his eyes. 

Harry, who had been in the other room, comes back holding an axe. “Screw burning it,” he says, “let’s just hack it to pieces.”

“Jesus fucking christ,” says Zayn.

Zayn walks out of the room when Harry lifts the axe over his head. Niall covers his eyes and spins around. 

“This is too gruesome for me. This isn’t the craic, I’m leaving with Zayn.”

Harry stands there, axe over his head, staring at the arm. The arm seems to almost be staring back, like it’s got eyes of its own. Maybe Zayn’s right. “I can’t do it,” Harry says, arms drooping.

“Please just get it away from me,” Liam whines.

Harry picks it up. They shake hands. “I’ll take care of it,” Harry promises. He walks out of the room.

“Should’ve just burned it,” laments Louis. 

Liam looks marginally less like he’s going to faint or be sick, which is a good thing. “Mate,” he says, “I don’t care, so long as it’s away from me.” He pulls out his phone and books a plane ticket to Alaska. “It’ll never find me there,” he whispers.

“I have a great idea of what you can do,” Harry tells the arm. It may have only been attached to him for a few minutes, but he’s fond of it. Even if it’s creepy. And weird. And he wanted to hack it up a bit. It’s creepy, but at least it’s not evil or anything.

The arm seems to be looking up at Harry almost expectantly. Harry smiles.

\--

Two hours later, Liam gets into his car, bags packed. As he zooms down the interstate, he whistles to himself, completely unaware of the hand gripping his bumper, and the arm trailing wildly behind it.

the end

**Author's Note:**

> Follow us on tumblr! [@outofcases](http://outofcases.tumblr.com), [@justawordshaker](http://justawordshaker.tumblr.com), [@s*ngledadniall](http://singledadniall.tumblr.com)


End file.
